Choosing which therapist to work with to help you move forward in your life can seem like a daunting task. In this blog post I offer some advice for you to consider: to help you work out where to start; how to narrow your search and how to make the final decision.
Starting your search
Word of mouth recommendation can be a great place to start, but if you don’t know anyone who has been for therapy or aren’t comfortable finding out who someone you know has seen then do head online, most good therapist will have an online presence.
There are lots of online therapist directories. The modern equivalent of the Yellow Pages for those of us old enough to remember what that is! Unless you know the name of a directory then you're most likely to come across them when you look through the google search results when you search for e.g. "hypnotherapist near me".
Do bear in mind therapists pay to be on professional directories, just as companies used to pay to have an ad in the Yellow Pages Phone Book. So just because a therapist is or isn’t on a particular directory is not necessarily a reflection of their experience level or expertise. If a therapist gets plenty of word-of-mouth referrals they may not need to be on a directory.
One advantage of directories is they tend to check the qualifications of therapists that sign-up with them. This helps ensure they have appropriate qualifications and so directories can be a good way of finding good therapists in your local area. They also allow searched by postcode or by the sort of thing you're looking for help with.
But do be search savvy when looking - It’s worth bearing in mind some directories also allow therapists to pay more to be at the top of the directory search results. In the same way if a therapist pays google they will appear at the top of the google search results. You can tell if someone has paid google as their search result will have the word “sponsored” written above it. So do scroll down a little bit and consider some of the other therapists lower down the lists as well as those at the top.
Most therapists have a website, if you find someone on a directory also have a look at their website. Visit it, have a look around. Does what they have written on their site resonate with you? Do you like the look of what you see?
Ask yourself – what style of therapist are you looking for?
There are many different types of therapy. Choose a style that suits you. And if you're not sure maybe do a little research of your own.
Some therapists work by exploring your past (e.g. psychodynamic therapy), some concentrate on your thought patterns in the present (e.g. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).
Some approaches are what’s called solution focused –focussing on a goal you want to achieve. These approaches tend to lead to briefer therapy (fewer sessions). Although of course once you’ve met your therapy goal you can decide to work on another goal with the same therapist.
Other approaches are more exploratory and open ended and help you understand yourself better and maybe give you better insight about why you feel as you do.
Every therapist has their own personal style. Just as in general life, some therapists will be more serious, some take a more light hearted approach, some are loud, some are quiet, some outgoing, some less so.
Whatever their personal style, a good therapist is always non-judgemental, empathetic and a good listener. Don’t work with someone who you feel isn’t all three.
Found someone you think you’d like to work with? Take up their offer of a Free Initial Consultation
Most therapists offer a complimentary initial phone consultation. This is a great chance for you to start to explain why you are seeking therapy and ask any questions you have. You can also use the call to work out if this is someone you’d like to work with.
If you’re the sort of person that needs to reflect before taking action, then don’t feel pressured into booking at the end of the initial consultation. A good therapist will understand everyone’s different, some will want to book there and then, others may want to think about it. The only thing to be aware of is the temptation to say you’d like some time to think, when you know in your heart of hearts you’re really just avoiding starting therapy.
Please do ask about a therapist’s experience
During the initial consultation, it’s fine for you to ask what experience a therapist has in helping other clients with issues similar to those you’re experiencing. Therapists will be happy to talk about this.
Although of course don’t expect the therapist to talk in detail about other clients, as that would be breaking confidentiality. Be wary of any therapist that does that. Therapists may talk in general about other clients they have helped – it can be a really nice way of showing you you’re not alone in feeling as you do. It can also give you greater confidence things can change for the better. But you should never be able to identify who the therapist is talking about.
Watch out for boundaries
Some types of therapy training discourage therapists from sharing any personal information about themselves at all with clients. Others are more open to it when it’s helpful to the client.
One golden rule – if a therapist decides to share some information it should always be for the benefit of their client, not themselves. Therapists who over-share are breaking therapeutic boundaries. And that should never happen.
Making the final choice
Having a good connection with your therapist is really, really important.
Rapport can be instant or can build over time of course but if you don’t feel you can work with a therapist then don’t.
And that advice holds even if they’re highly respected, very well qualified and come highly recommended. They may be a great therapist but still not be the right therapist for you.
Continue your search and find another that feels right for you. A great therapist for you.